Why you should buy an ibottleopener for your significant other.
Posted by Zachary Cram on February 01, 2012 0 Comments
Valentines day is fast approaching, a sacred tradition where millions of people across the united states celebrate the earliest of Christian martyrs by purchasing hearts full of chocolate and anthropomorphized teddy bears. Roses are usually involved. Below is a list of common valentines day gifts, why they are garbage, and why you should be buying an ibottleopener instead.
1) chocolate
Since when are raised insulin levels romantic? Most likely the box of chocolate you got for him/her will be forgotten about for a few days. Only to be consumed in one sitting while a watching keeping up with the kadashians/ Sports center. Don't give the gift of empty calories.
2) Teddy bears
Anybody over the age of 12 that still enjoys teddy bears shouldn't be encouraged. If your love of teddy bears is so intense that you cannot live without one, at least get it jumbo sized so you can put it in your car and hop in the Carpool lane.
3) Roses
"I pulled this thing from the ground and no matter how hard you take care of it they will die in a couple weeks. Also it has pointy things on it"
4) Couples massage
Alright this one actually sounds pretty awesome, do this.
5) Anything bought last minute
What? you dont like gas station pringles and off brand energy drinks? Its the thought that counts right? WRONG. If you didn't have time to wrap it, your relationship will be over by presidents day weekend.
6) Anything hand made
Giving something handmade to your significant other is the perfect way to tell them you are poor without the hassle of giving them your bank statement.
7) Fragrance
I like you when you put gratuitous amounts of unbreakable by khloe and lamar behind your ears. here is the link in case you are curious
(the website states it has hints of geranium, jasmine and lily of the valley. The last one sounds like a lord of the rings character)
8 Jewelry
Unless you have some serious dough to throw around/waste don't go for jewelry. Buying your man a 45 dollar watch is like buying your girlfriend cubic zirconia. If it didn't cost three months salary, it just lets the other person know you are not in it for the long haul.
9.Gift cards
I have never been a fan of gift cards, mostly because its like giving somebody an errand. "I dont know you well enough to buy you something, so take this card and come back with something you forced yourself to get at a store of my choosing"
(only okay if it is a gift card to olive garden)
10 ) Champagne and strawberries.
Just so horribly cliche it makes my head spin. Unless you are staying at a hotel, have a butler or are julia roberts in Pretty woman, dont do this one.
There you have it. 10 played out valentines gifts. Get your loved one something special that they will keep with them always. Something heartfelt. Something unique. something purchased from this website. (also available in pink)
